


Confession

by notaguitarfret



Series: "They're all girlfriends" AU [18]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, F/F, Gaslighting, Past Rape/Non-con, Pedophilia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slut Shaming, i apologise for this one i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 05:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20325919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaguitarfret/pseuds/notaguitarfret
Summary: Heather has a thing or two to admit.





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> all CWs are in the tags. if any of these elements make you uncomfortable, please don't continue.

Veronica could already see the stars beginning to glimmer against the black sky looming above her as she stepped outside.

“Don’t stay out too long, Veronica!” she heard her dad call from inside, moments before she pulled the door shut.

“I won’t!” she called, before closing the door, letting it click shut behind her before she made her way down the path along her front lawn. Her walk was slow in an attempt to speed time up as she waited for any signs of a bright red figure to light up the night.

She glanced at her swatch after rolling up her purple sleeve. It was about twenty minutes to midnight. Twenty minutes after Heather had called.

In feeling the chilled air brush over her skin, she tightened her scarf around her neck and held her coat against her body in a secure hold, and as she stood still, watching the clouds escape her mouth as she exhaled, the familiar sound of clacking heels growing louder made her head jerk up.

In locking eyes with light blue, Veronica couldn’t help but offer a warm smile in greeting. And with how cold it was, she found herself hurrying towards her to meet her half way, purely to feel her even so much as brush against her.

“You’re up late,” Veronica said as she and Heather stopped only a few inches away from each other.

“You too,” Heather mumbled in response, before continuing to walk down the street. “It’s cold. Let’s keep going.”

Veronica shot her an odd look as she walked past her, glancing around for any signs of a Porsche.

“Did you not bring your car?” she asked, hurrying to catch up with her. Heather raised a brow.

“Why do you think it took me this long to get here?”

Veronica tilted her head. “So when you said, ‘let’s walk down to the graveyard’, you meant literally?”

“Yeah.”

It was in that moment Veronica noticed she was looking down. A quick glance at the concrete gave her an answer as to why that was, that being Heather’s lack of heels.

“You own something other than heels, huh?” she chuckled, glancing at her brown boots.

“Yeah,” she grunted in reply, staring ahead. Her arms were folded across her chest, stiff as she walked. Her usual hip swivel was absent, replaced with a tired trudge, and while she wore her red scrunchie, it wasn’t clutching her ginger locks at the back of her head, but rather looked as though it had been lazily wrapped around a handful of her hair that flopped over her shoulder. And as pretty as she looked with loose strands of hair messily outlining her face, Veronica couldn’t help but think that it was… odd.

“So… how long is the walk to the graveyard?” Veronica asked, hovering close to her.

“Half an hour if we’re quick,” Heather said. “But probably forty minutes.”

* * *

Ten minutes in.

“So… why did you want to go to the graveyard of all places?” Veronica asked as they wandered down a quiet street with street lights that didn’t all work. “Are you secretly a goth?”

“It’s quiet,” she said. “No one ever goes to a graveyard at night.” She glanced at her with foggy eyes. “And I don’t believe in ghosts.”

Veronica gave a huff. “I actually do, but I’m not really scared of them.”

“Hm,” Heather replied, her arms shifting into a more sealed hold. Veronica frowned.

“Are you cold?” she asked, glancing at her fluffy red cardigan and black leggings. Heather shrugged.

“Not really.” As she said that, a breeze quickened its pace and shoved into them both, causing a chill to run down Veronica’s spine and Heather to shudder. Giving an amused huff, Veronica reached out an arm and snuck it under Heather’s, wrapping it around her’s like a blanket. She felt Heather tense, and she gave her a look.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re cold,” Veronica said, pulling her a little closer. That alone was enough to create a warm and fuzzy feeling buzz around in her chest, never mind when their hips brushed and their sides touched.

“We’re in public,” Heather muttered, side stepping away from her. Veronica shot her a quizzical look, glancing around the empty, dark street.

“It’s almost midnight on Christmas Eve,” she said. “Besides, you do this with Mara all the time.”

Heather was looking away, biting down on her lip. After a few quiet moments, she shuffled closer, her head tilting towards Veronica’s chest, almost resting on it as they walked. Against her chest was loud, yearning thumping, a desire to do nothing more but to slip her arm around her waist and hold her close emerging.

“Speaking of which,” Veronica then said, letting her other hand settle on her arm, her fingers weaving through the red fluff. “Why’d you call me to come on a walk with you?”

A cloud disappeared around Heather’s nose as quick as it appeared.

“Heather and Heather are asleep,” she said. “And if they’re not, they will be.” She raised her brows at her. “_ You _ however-”

“You’re taking advantage of my insomnia, I see,” Veronica chuckled, shoving her hip into hers. She stumbled, though didn’t stray far with Veronica holding her close. “Which is fine. Insomnia buddies.”

“I don’t have insomnia, Veronica.”

“Then why are you awake?” she asked.

“I have trouble sleeping,” Heather said. “But I can still get to sleep.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “Usually.”

“That’s still insomnia, Heather,” Veronica said. Heather went silent for a moment, not speaking until they crossed a street with no moving cars.

“Oh.”

* * *

Twenty minutes in.

Veronica reached into her coat pocket, pulling out some twizzlers from an open packet.

“You want one?” she asked, holding some out towards her. Heather pushed her hand away,

“No.”

Veronica frowned, but shrugged it off.

“More for me.”

She bit into one, enjoying the flavour as well as the chewy feeling, all while she continued to gaze at Heather. She watched as she tucked some loose tresses of hair behind her ear, only for it to fall back over her face again. She observed how beautiful she looked with her freckles visible, counting each one. She resisted the urge to lean over and kiss her. Just a tiny peck on the cheek. That’s all she wanted to do.

_ Veronica, you’re not even together, _ she scolded herself. _ It’s just friends with benefits. That’s what you both left it as. _

She chewed on her lip, her eyes wandered back over to her yet again. How her blue eyes glistened, how light would shimmer on her curly locks, how soft her lips looked and how wonderful it was to imagine herself curled up against her curvy body.

How much she missed her voice.

“You’re quiet,” Veronica murmured, leaning closer. “Are you okay?”

Heather didn’t look at her.

“I’m fine,” she said. “What gave you the impression I wasn’t?”

“I just said. You’re being quiet,” she repeated. “You usually like to talk your mouth off.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Do you need to go home?”

“_ No. _”

The more harsh tone caught her off guard, though she didn’t push on.

“So, are your parents okay with you being out this late on Christmas Eve?” she asked. “I know they’re religious and all.”

Heather didn’t respond.

“Are yours?” she eventually said. Veronica blinked, wondering if there was an answer that she had missed.

“So long as I’m not wandering the neighbourhoods at 3am or whatever,” she said. “But our holiday doesn’t start until noon for us since they go out drinking all night. Usually they’re not home until at least four.” She shrugged. “We have a good time.”

Heather blankly stared forward.

“Hm.”

* * *

Thirty minutes in.

“Oh hey. Graveyard,” Veronica pointed out, staring at the unkempt yard surrounded by trees painted in black and blue, only lit up with some shitty white lights. Perfectly isolated.

Why exactly _ Heather Chandler _ wanted to be isolated, out of all people, she was still unsure about.

“Good. No one’s around,” Heather said as she quickened her pace, the arm around Veronica’s becoming tighter as she pulled her along. Veronica found herself being led to a part of the stone wall that had been knocked down, leaving a perfect gap for them to clamber through, allowing them to freely roam the dark graveyard. They didn’t stop until they were at the darkest corner, somewhere that had clearly been untouched for a while now, behind the old, worn out church that no one ever used.

Heather then let go to climb onto the stone wall , her back facing the woods behind her. Veronica jumped onto the space next to her, not bothering to take advantage of the fact that she had a whole wall to occupy, and instead opted to press as much of her body against Heather as she could.

“What an interesting location,” Veronica said, looking around at the naked branches that lingered over their heads, all of them black silhouettes that could be mistaken for a cryptic creature’s outlandish limbs.

“No one ever comes here,” she muttered, her hands rubbing against each other as she occasionally blew on them. Veronica gave her a sympathetic look.

“You’re still cold,” she murmured, shuffling even closer, if that were even possible. Their thighs pressed against one another, and their shoulders bridged any gap that may still be there. “You didn’t bring gloves?”

“Couldn’t find them,” she muttered. “It’s fine. I’m not that cold.”

Veronica shot her a look of disbelief, before taking her hand in her own.

It felt like touching ice.

“You’re freezing!” she fretted, clutching both of her hands and holding them against her chest. Heather sighed.

“I’m fine, Veronica, honestly…” she mumbled, though she didn’t fight against her as she hugged them close. Heather’s dismal gaze softened as she gazed at them.

“You don’t seem all that fine, Heather,” Veronica murmured, leaning in closer. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine. Everything’s _ fine _,” she grumbled, turning away and stealing back her hands. “Don’t worry about it.”

As she spoke, another shiver passed through her, and her limbs rubbed together in a desperate attempt to stay warm. Veronica frowned, seeing her vulnerability against the freezing weather, before picking up her scarf and gently placing it around her neck. Heather looked back at her, her eyes rounded.

“What are you-”

“Here,” Veronica muttered, tilting her head up by the chin so the scarf would wrap around her neck more easily. “I know how much you don’t like my scarf, but it might help.”

Once it was neatly tied up around her neck, Veronica released her chin and instead held her gaze, smiling softly. Heather’s unreadable expression began to change, her brow furrowing and the corner of her mouth perking up a little.

“I didn’t know you liked walks,” Veronica then said, staring off into the woods ahead of them as her feet kicked back and forth. “Didn’t seem like your type of thing.”

Heather shrugged. “They’re calming, I guess.”

“I agree,” she said, before looking up at the sky. By now, many more stars had crawled out of the shadows, creating a pretty white splatter across the black sky. The pattern was familiar. Like thousands of tiny freckles, she thought. “What’s your favourite time of day?”

“Sunset,” she said.

“Good choice,” she replied. “The clouds get so pretty! Pink clouds are always a pretty sight to see.” She looked back at Heather. “It’s not a surprise you like it.”

Heather’s lashes fluttered, and beneath her many freckles a red tint glowed.

“What’s yours?”

Veronica blinked. “Huh?”

“Your favourite time of day.”

“Oh.” She gave a chuckle, then pointed up at the sky. “The one I’ve had to get used to.” She gazed up at the stars, following the bright splashes until it led her to the thin, crescent moon. “Sometimes I’ll just go outside and lay in my backyard. As a kid I used to try and count them. Martha and Betty and-” _ Heather _ . She bit back the name. “And… yeah, I’d always tell them, _ no, I can count them! Watch! _ Followed by me falling asleep or losing track of which stars I counted.” She chuckled fondly at the memory, and she heard Heather let out an amused huff.

And after a brief pause, she spoke.

“Mac and I used to want to go to Jupiter,” she murmured, the faintest of smiles appearing on her pink lips. “She knew a lot about Jupiter. I wonder if she can remember how many moons it has.” She looked up at Veronica. “You know one day, Earth will become one of its moons?”

“I didn’t,” she replied. “I know it actually has rings, though.”

Heather snorted. “Mac’s called my finger Jupiter before.” She lifted up her finger, showing the golden ring with a red gem encased in it.

“That’s adorable,” she cooed. Heather rolled her eyes, but a smile remained.

“So you like stargazing?” she then asked. Veronica gave a nod.

“Yeah!” She pointed up at the sky. “I know a lot of constellations too.”

“Show me.”

She widened her eyes.

“Hm?”

“Constellations.” She shuffled closer. “Show me.”

“Oh! Okay.” Veronica looked up. “Depends what we can see from here.”

They both gazed up at the stars, Veronica pointing out different constellations, naming each one that she spotted. Whenever Heather couldn’t see it, she would hold her chin in one hand and carefully point it out with the other, and didn’t give up until she caught on.

As she spoke, she hardly took notice of the head resting on her shoulder, that made it harder for Veronica to accurately point at the right set of stars, or the arm that had at some point snaked around her waist and holding her close. She definitely didn’t take notice of the cold fingers that slipped through the gaps between her fingers, linking her hand with her own so that she couldn’t use it to point at the sky.

And she didn’t take notice of how she wasn’t looking at the sky anymore.

Because as beautiful as it was…

“Why are we here, Heather?” she murmured, bringing a hand up to play with the ginger curls. Heather hummed contently, nudging further into the crook of her neck.

“Hmm?” she grunted, leaning into Veronica’s tender touch.

“Why did you want to come out here?” she said. Heather glanced up at her.

“I…” Discomfort formed on her face. “I needed a break.”

“You’re on break,” Veronica stated. “After all, it is Christmas right now.” She chuckled. “Happy holidays, by the way.”

“Exactly what I needed a break from,” Heather muttered. Veronica frowned, before picking up Heather‘s head by the chin, though it still rested on her shoulder.

“Heather, please,” she said seriously. “You called me close to midnight asking me if I wanted to walk down to the _ graveyard _. On Christmas Eve.” She frowned at her. “You didn’t even explain why.”

Heather snatched her chin back. She still rested on Veronica’s shoulder.

“Why did you come with me?”

Veronica’s gaze softened and she shrugged, “Well, I do actually like walking. If it were safe to do it alone at night, I’d do it more often.” She lightly traced her nails over Heather’s scalp, smiling as she purred at the sensation. “But I also thought it would be nice to walk with you.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “And I guess I wanted to check you were okay.”

The motions moving through her hair slowed when Heather’s eyes fluttered open, blue irises becoming clouded with emotions.

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” she murmured. Veronica gave her an apologetic smile.

“What, I’m not allowed to be worried about you?”

Heather rolled her eyes, moving away from Veronica’s hand to straighten herself up.

“I just haven’t felt good over the past few days,” she began, staring at the grass below as it flickered in the wind. “I can only guess it’s because it’s Christmas tomo-” She glanced up at the sky and sighed. “_ Today _.”

Veronica frowned. “What’s wrong with Christmas?”

“Time with family.” She looked sullen. “Not looking forward to it.”

“Do you mind me asking why that is?”

She began to play with the scarf around her neck. “I’ve never had the best relationship with my parents,” she said. “So spending time with them, as well as the rest of my family, isn’t fun at all.” Her nose began to crinkle. “Part of the reason I’m out here is that I escaped Midnight Mass.”

“Oh,” Veronica frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not the only reason,” Heather quickly clarified, looking up at her. “Just a bonus, I guess.”

Veronica nodded.

“But I can’t even stay in my room today,” Heather then sighed. “I’m gonna have to go downstairs to face them eventually, and deal with all my relatives who I don’t remember the names of asking me, _ ‘oh, Heather, do you have a boyfriend yet? How are you doing in school?’ _ ” She scowled. “And dealing with my parents just giving me a glare from across the room that just says, _ ‘nope, sorry aunt Jodie or whatever, she’s still slutting around and still very dyslexic.’ _”

Veronica widened her eyes. “Wait, are you actually dyslexic?”

Heather shot her a dubious look.

“Yes? How the fuck did you not know that? You’re in my English class.”

“I never noticed!” she exclaimed. “You’re really good at writing, despite the rebellious attitude.”

Heather blinked at her.

“Oh.” The corners of her mouth briefly quirked up. “Thanks. I’m glad someone thinks so.”

Veronica’s smile faded. “But, um… I’m sorry that you have to deal with that.”

Heather gazed at her solemnly, before shaking the emotion off. “Whatever. It’s on me anyway,” she grumbled. “Not sure what I expect every year when I do nothing to change it.”

She tilted her head.

“Change what?”

“What I just mentioned?” she said. “Then again, nothing I ever do is really good enough for my parents. No point in trying.”

“Heather?”

She looked up at her.

“Hm?”

“Your parents are full of shit.” Veronica took hold of Heather’s hands. “I don’t think you’re a perfect person. Far from it. You purposely made it so the whole school would be afraid of you, and you step on people you view as below you to get to the top.”

Heather frowned. “Wow. Thanks.”

“Let me finish,” Veronica said. “In spite of all that… I don’t think you’re a bad person. You may have rocky friendships and questionable motives, but… you care about us.” She smiled. “You do look out for Heather, Heather and I, and behind the whole mythic bitch persona, I think there’s something very beautiful.”

Clouds cleared from Heather’s eyes and they sparkled with gratitude. They held each other’s gaze with gentle hands, before Heather slowly drifted closer, her lips parting ever so slightly. It caught Veronica off guard, with how delicate her movements were as she leaned forward, eyes fluttering shut. Only when lips landed on her own did she close her eyes too, letting herself get lost in the kiss.

She felt a hand softly cup her cheek, the cold skin sending a shiver down her spine at first, but soon enough the feeling of it brushing along her face up to her hair mollified her frigid nerves. Her body tingled at the feeling of light fingers tracing over her scalp, her brown locks swivelling around them. Her own goosebump-ridden arms lifted towards Heather, one curling around to lay a hand on her back, hand buried in the soft red fluff of her jacket, with her other pressed on her thigh, drawing nonsensical doodles on the soft black cotton of her leggings.

Everything just felt so _ soft _.

Especially her lips. God, they were so soft and wonderful and…

“Heather?”

Their lips broke up, but still hovered so close that they brushed. Heather opened her eyes, but only half way.

“What?” She sounded disgruntled.

“At the party you reminded me to tell you to pester me about what I want to know about you,” she murmured, clouds swirling around her sharp jawline as she exhaled. Heather blinked at her, dazed and unsure why she was being told this now.

“What do you want to know about me?” she said, regardless. Veronica smiled.

“What do you want?” she whispered, hearing her heart beat so loud that it may echo throughout the night. “With me, I mean.”

Heather moved back a little, her lips still parted. Her lids lifted, revealing wide, maya eyes that hid so much behind them. Veronica moved away, giving her space to breathe.

“I want…” She swallowed, while Veronica’s brow knitted as she waited for an answer, each second being dragged on for so much longer than it was supposed to.

“I want to be with you,” she whispered, “a lot more than I already am.”

Veronica finally let herself relax, feeling as though a weight had been pushed off her shoulders and she was left floating aimlessly, yet freely. She giggled euphorically, before shooting forward to press her lips against Heather’s yet again. Her hand found hers and tightly latched onto it, wanting to hold it close for as long as she could.

“‘Ronica?” Heather mumbled against her lips. “When do you need to go home?”

Still in the midst of stealing away her breath, Veronica found tiny breaks between kisses to talk.

“I don’t need to go home until tomorrow at noon. My parents just don’t want me staying outside too late.”

Hands holding the frame of her face stopped her from diving in for more, and Heather stared sheepishly at the ground below.

“So coming to mine isn’t out the question.”

Veronica gave an amused huff. “Of course not.”

“My parents won’t appreciate me bringing someone home on Christmas, though,” she then said. “Only family is allowed.” She gazed off into the distance with a mischievous glint in her eye. “But they won’t have a problem with it if they don’t know.”

She slipped off the wall, landing on the grass below and holding out a hand to Veronica, who took hold of it eagerly before following her lead.

“You can’t stay until noon,” Heather told her firmly as they began to walk, the cold breeze ruffling their hair. “But you can stay up until their alarm goes off in the morning.”

* * *

Fifty minutes later.

Veronica sat patiently at the foot of the bed, slipping off her excess clothes and stripping down until she was only wearing a long-sleeved purple sweater and some jeans, all while she waited for Heather to return to her room.

“So, I checked all over the house,” she heard her say from just outside the room. “And they’re definitely not in.” She shut the door behind her. “Meaning they’ll be out drinking and won’t be back for another few hours.”

Veronica grinned as she made her way over to her, gliding across the red carpet with a darkened gaze.

“Perfect,” she replied, feeling her body grow warm with anticipation.

“I have to agree,” she cooed, stopping just in front of her. Her arms wrapped around her neck, holding herself up as she swung one leg around her waist, and then the other, until she was straddling her. The weight of her thighs on Veronica’s lap made her blood rush to her cheeks and her fingers grip onto her cardigan. As Heather leaned into a kiss, Veronica busied herself with ripping it off, tossing it elsewhere. A tongue entered her mouth while her nails scratched freckled arms, before clawing at Heather’s back. She heard her whine and push forward, taking it as a sign that she wanted more.

Veronica’s hands found her curved hips, and as she dug her nails into her skin, she felt Heather roll her hips against her own with wanton. Smirking against her lips, she held her down by the thighs, keeping her still on her lap. Heather let out a needy whine, causing her to chuckle lowly.

“You’re so impatient,” Veronica murmured as she pressed soft kisses down her neck, while Heather whimpered and tightened her grip on her. “You really need me to hurry up?”

“_ Yes, _” she hissed against her eat, biting it. Veronica grunted, before swivelling around towards the bed, keeping a firm hold on Heather as she pushed her onto her back, climbing on top of her.

“If you say so,” Veronica murmured, slipping her hand under her black top and running her hands over her abdomen. Heather shuddered below her, leaning into her touch by arching her back, one that made Veronica bite her lip and gaze down at her with lust.

“Eager,” she said with a smug grin. “You know it’s only been about a day since we did this, right?”

“Mmm… too long,” she grumbled, while Veronica tutted at her.

“Complaining will only make the wait longer, you know,” she whispered. Heather scowled at her.

“Maybe I wouldn’t complain if you’d _ get on with it _,” she growled, bucking her hips up desperately. Veronica arched a brow, before leaning in closer, staring down at Heather dangerously.

“Maybe you should learn to keep your mouth shut,” she threatened, bringing up a hand to clamp over her mouth. As soon as she did, she felt Heather stiffen beneath her, her eyes widening a little. At first, Veronica assumed the best, and that she was just _ very _ into that.

But with how still she had become, she became a little paranoid.

“Is that okay?”

Heather broke out of her small trance.

“Huh?”

“This.” She wiggled her fingers of the hand hovering over her mouth. “Is it okay?”

She looked at them, appearing to be slightly confused, almost as if she had no idea what she was referring to.

“Oh,” she eventually replied. “Uh-huh.” She nodded. “Yeah, of course that’s fine.” She let out an amused huff, rolling her eyes.

“Alright,” she replied, but still feeling slightly on edge. She decided to simply place her hand next to her head instead.

“And I repeat myself,” Heather said, wrapping her arms around her neck. “Hurry it up.”

“You’re not making the rules here, _ Heather _,” Veronica growled, forcing a knee between her legs and pressing it against her centre. Heather gasped. “I realise how spoilt you are in expecting to be able to tell people what to do, I won’t blame you in that regard.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at her, while Veronica just laughed.

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to _ let _ you,” she added, before pulling her arms off of her. Heather whined, fighting to keep her hands on her body, but Veronica was stronger and managed to hold them still by her wrists. She smirked, taking hold of both of them in one hand and pinning them against the pillow, just above Heather’s head. “Perhaps you should learn some _ manners _.”

Only when she made eye contact with Heather again did she pause. Heather had tensed up again, her body seemingly frozen. Her eyes weren’t looking at her, they were darting around frantically. She noticed her fingers twitch more and more until they tensed up and curled, digging into the duvet. Once noticing all of this, Veronica released her immediately, any arousal she may have felt evaporating and replaced by worry.

“Heather?” she asked, gently touching her on the shoulder. “Hey, if this is too much we can sto-”

“_ Off! _” she suddenly snapped, pushing Veronica off of her before she even had the chance to respond. The bed wasn’t that wide, so she came very close to being flung onto the floor, only just catching herself. After balancing herself on the bed, she looked back at Heather who had shot up into a sitting position, staring forward and fingers curling into the bed sheets, creases forming around her palms. Veronica cautiously shuffled a little further down, trying to catch her eye.

“Hey, Heather-” she began, tilting her head to the side. “Was I too rough? Is everything okay?” She shifted forward. “Heather?”

“_ Fuck, _” she cried, and Veronica couldn’t tell if she had even heard her. Her eyes had become glazed and were still out of her reach. Her thighs were pressing together and a hand was on top of them, shaking as her nails dug into the black cotton, threatening to rip right through it.

“Heather,” Veronica said again, a little louder this time. “What’s the matter?”

Heather still didn’t respond. Her legs simply rubbed together while her eyes seemed to be lost in nothing at all. Her hands were still gripping onto whatever soft fabric was at their disposal, and her breathing became more shallow. Fear struck Veronica.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked, moving a little closer. She heard her grunt, but she wasn’t entirely sure if it was a reply. Even if it was, Heather just wasn’t all there to give her one she could trust.

When no more concerned questions came to mind, Veronica just bit down on her quivering lip, trying to contain herself for Heather’s sake. In a desperate attempt to try and bring Heather back out of the trance she was in, she very carefully brushed her hand against Heather’s. It was cold and pale.

Shuffling over to sit next to Heather, Veronica dared to take a gentle hold of Heather’s hand. Nothing too firm. Just a light form a reassurance. Maybe that would work. Maybe.

Maybe ten minutes later, it would work.

The hand she held suddenly tightened around hers, and Veronica’s head jolted up to look at Heather. Though she’d become less stiff and was blinking as she looked around, her eyes were still terribly foggy and to describe her as looking anxious would be an incredible understatement.

“Heather?” she asked again. Heather turned towards her.

“Sorry,” she croaked. “I’m not sure what happened there.” Her hand slipped out of her grip and she turned towards her. “Um… where were we?”

Veronica shot her a dumbfounded look.

“Heather, we are _ not _ going back to sex after that!” she barked, though kept her voice at a low volume. Heather rolled her eyes.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I just zoned out for a moment, is all.”

“A _ moment _ ?” Veronica echoed in bewilderment. “Heather, it’s been _ ten minutes _!”

Heather paused.

Then she looked to her pillow.

“But we were…” She pointed to it, only for her hand to immediately drop. Veronica saw tears begin to pool in her eyes, soon after spilling out of them. “Why don’t I remember?” she whispered.

Five seconds.

“_ Why don’t I fucking remember! _ ” she yelled, causing Veronica to jolt in surprise. “Why is it whenever I remember that fucking night it’s so fucking _ vivid _ and yet I remember _ nothing? _” She slammed her fists on the bed as she let out loud sobs. “Why can’t I just forget it completely? Why-”

“Heather! Heather, God…” Veronica soothed, edging towards her. “Just… just calm down, only for a moment, okay?”

Heather whipped her head up at her, eyes burning into hers, but she remained silent, aside from the cried that would occasionally break through.

“What don’t you remember?” she asked softly, holding out her hands in case Heather may have wanted to hold onto something.

She definitely did.

“It’s just a…” Her jaw shook as it hung open. “An unpleasant memory.” She sniffed. “That I don’t remember.”

Veronica, still completely lost, nodded.

“It’s stupid and ridiculous and you shouldn’t have seen me like that,” she spat bitterly. “And I always try so hard to not think about it, so why it decided to come up _ now _ out of all times is beyond me.” She whimpered and looked away, hands tightening their grip on Veronica’s.

“It’s not stupid or ridiculous,” Veronica said, shuffling towards her. “It’s made you… _ upset _, for lack of a better adjective.”

Heather averted her watery gaze.

“It was ages ago. It shouldn’t still bother me,” she mumbled. “And it hasn’t! Not for a while. Not really.” She chewed on her lip, looking like she was on the verge of biting her own skin off. “Only occasionally. Sometimes in my dreams. Often when I’m at Remington parties.” She gave a chuckle that did little to no covering up the crying. “But you know, that actually makes a bit of sense. It happened there! Just… just on the roof.” She swallowed thickly, wincing as she did so before turning back to Veronica. “I never go there anymore. It smells like weed and rum.” Acrylics dug into Veronica’s skin at the mention. “Why do I keep fucking smelling that?”

“Heather…” Veronica asked nervously. “What… what happened?”

Heather stared at her with eyes drained of all emotions.

“Nothing,” she whispered eventually. “Just… I went up there a couple of times. My first few Remington parties, that is. I haven’t been back since.”

Veronica only gave her a concerned look. No pressing. Just enough for Heather to know she was safe to continue.

“Just to avoid…” Heather spoke again, her voice weak. “Um… just, once there was someone. He didn’t go to the university or anything, he was there by connections.”

She was waffling. That was okay.

“I didn’t like him. He wasn’t attractive, and he was… older. I was younger. Sixteen, to be exact. Much younger. I guess he liked younger girls”

Veronica felt her gut churn with discomfort, but contained herself to continue listening.

“I was still new to those parties at the time. I just wanted to impress everyone! So I didn’t argue or fight back when he kept on…” She shifted uncomfortably. “And I didn’t bother questioning him when he took me to the nearest room and locked the door and…” She stopped, beginning to get choked up. When she did, Veronica let go of her hands and held her arms open to offer a hug. Heather immediately took it, face buried into Veronica’s shoulder.

“I… I don’t know, sex has been weird ever since then,” she heard her splutter. “And I never let people see my like that! Never, it’s fucking dumb.” She felt nails dig into her thigh. “But it’s become a stupid cycle in some dumb attempt in trying to feel normal again. I feel like shit, then I fuck to feel as if I have some sort of control over whoever I’m fucking, and then I just feel unproductive and sad and the cycle starts all over again.”

As she spoke, Veronica thought back to her own experiences with her, and had to hold back the urge to ask her if it was for that reason all of _ this _ started.

“Look, it’s just dumb _ one _ unpleasant experience has caused me to act so ridiculous, okay?” Heather grumbled, while Veronica frowned.

“I feel like that’s an understatement,” she said, running her hand through her hair. “Heather… how many people have you told about this?”

Heather grew quiet.

“I told my parents that same night. I remember some of our conversation.” She curled up against Veronica, looking defeated. “They were right, though. Had I not been slutting around so much, perhaps it wouldn’t have happened.”

“_ What? _” Veronica suddenly blurted out, lifting Heather up by the shoulders. “Heather, no, they’re not right at all!”

She just shrugged. “I was just asking for sex that night, really,” she grunted. “I went alone. I was only ever with the guys. It was going to happen eventually, right?”

“No!” Veronica cupped Heather’s face, giving her the most serious look. “No, no no, Heather, that’s not how it works.” She paused in making a sudden realisation. “You… haven’t even called it what it is,” she said, feeling on edge. “You _ do _ know what that is, Heather, don’t you?”

Heather blinked some tears out of her eyes.

“Something that I was just asking for with the amount of slutting around I do,” she said dryly. “Or at least, that’s how my mother described it.

Veronica’s breathing hitched.

“_ Rape, _ Heather!” she exclaimed. “You were _ raped _.” She straightened herself up. “And don’t even think about trying to argue with me. I’ve had this discussion with you before, and if I need to, I will repeat every word of it.”

Heather shut her mouth.

“And I’m so,_ so _ sorry that I reminded you of it,” she said, lip quivering.

“It isn’t your fault,” Heather said. “I don’t even remember you reminding me.”

Veronica blinked.

“It was when I…” She trailed off, wondering if she should continue. Instead, however, she looked at Heather’s red puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Tell you what we’re going to do.”

“Huh?”

Veronica slipped away from her, hopping off the bed and walking over to the vanity to grab some paper from a small drawer, along with a tiny pen. While she was there, she also picked up Heather’s red night robe.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Veronica said as she returned to her. “But if you want, you can write down all your known triggers for… that.”

Heather gave her an odd look as she took the paper.

“Why?”

“So I don’t do it again.”

Heather rolled her eyes.

“Again, it isn’t your fault,” she mumbled as she gazed down at the sheet.

“I know, but I would rather know how to avoid it.” She said, tossing her the night robe, before walking towards the door. “While you do that, I’m going to grab you something. You deserve some sort of treat.”

“Like what?”

Veronica shrugged. “Whatever I can find.”

Just as she was about to make a turn, she heard Heather call her again.

“‘Ronica?”

She turned again.

“Mhmm?”

She gazed down at her thumbs as they twiddled.

“You’re coming back, aren’t you?”

Veronica smiled at her.

“Of course.”

* * *

“Sorry I took a while,” Veronica said as she sauntered into the room, mug in hand. “I didn’t want to spill this.”

She closed the door behind her, and saw Heather’s eyes lit up ever so slightly in seeing the mug which had a rich chocolatey scent already filling the room, whipped cream and marshmallows wobbling on top.

“I may have went a bit overboard,” she said, chuckling lightly. “Hope you don’t mind.”

A ghost of a smile wavered on Heather’s lips.

“You’re lucky I have a sweet tooth,” she murmured as Veronica placed it on the nightstand.

“Less sweet than your tongue,” Veronica joked as she hurried back to Heather’s side, which was now only covered by the red sleeve of her robe. She glanced at the sheet of paper on her lap, seeing it was no longer blank. “Oh, you wrote some.”

“It’s not much.”

She took hold of it to take a closer look. She was given a short list.

_ Wrists being grabbed; people coming up from behind; rum and weed, but the two separate are usually fine. _

Ignoring the fact that Veronica had in fact, done two of those things in the past, she gave an understanding nod.

“Is it okay if I add something?”

Heather frowned.

“What is there to add?”

“If I’m wrong, you can cross it out,” she said, taking the pen. “But it’s something I noticed before. You might not remember.”

She quickly scribbled down _ covering mouth with hand _, before handing it back to Heather, who looked at it blankly.

“Oh,” was her only reaction as she slipped it onto her nightstand. “Well, thanks, I guess.” She reached out for her mug, but Veronica intervened. She gave her an odd look.

“I’m not done with you yet,” Veronica said. “Whenever I get sad I love building little nests, and I feel like it’s the least I can do for you right now.”

Heather rolled her eyes.

“You owe me nothing.”

“I know, but you deserve to be snuggled up with a bunch of pillows and blankets.”

That seemed to convince her, since she gazed thoughtfully at the floor, then gave a sigh of defeat.

“I’m more of a pillowfort type of person.”

Veronica grinned, and quickly got to work.

She had taken a moment to figure out how to make it, and eventually figured out the structure. She pushed the white couch over to the foot of her bed, found some blankets to create a roof and made a right mess of Heather’s actual bed. The mattress was placed on the floor and pillows were laid out around the edges, and the duvet was placed over it.

Heather got comfortable with her hot cocoa first, followed by Veronica.

And for a little while, they both sat in silence.

Then Heather spoke,

“Was it my fault, Veronica?”

Veronica turned towards her, bewildered.

“No!” she exclaimed. “No, of course it wasn’t.” She took hold of Heather’s hand. “And I have never met your parents, but if you want them to not get a broken nose, I suggest you keep it that way.”

Heather sighed. “I know they’re not the best of people, but I’m sure they-”

“They lied to you,” Veronica told her. “This all happened the same night?”

“Mhmm.” Heather bit her lip. “I hardly remember the journey home. I just know I actually came to them for comfort.” She licked some whipped cream off her lips. “Which is… rare for me. They’re not the best at comforting me.”

“They’re your _ parents _,” Veronica said. “That comes with the whole package.”

Heather scoffed. “Oh, _ ‘Ronica _.” She gave a faux smile. “I was an accident. The only reason I wasn’t aborted was because Catholicism forbids it.”

Veronica deadpanned at her.

“No, they never told me that to my face,” she added. “They just have no volume control when it comes to talking about it with each other.”

Veronica, taking a moment to process what Heather had just said to her, finally cleared her throat.

“Heather?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t like your parents,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. “At all.”

“Neither do I, but they’re not the worst.”

Veronica just shook her head in disbelief but decided against pressing on. That was until she felt a light weight on her shoulder, and saw that Heather, now with an empty mug, was resting on her with a tired expression.

“The only thing I remember about that night is that it hurt a lot,” she murmured. “Sometimes it comes back in my dreams. I’m never actually _ there _, I just… feel what it felt like.” A pause. “Sometimes I don’t need to be asleep for it to happen.” She shifted uncomfortably. “Like before.”

Hearing her voice break was heart wrenching for Veronica, and probably much, much more painful for Heather.

“Well, let’s hope it doesn’t happen again any time soon,” Veronica said, shifting the topic. “Say, since you hate Christmas so much, you’re welcome to crash my house.”

Heather scoffed as she snuggled up against her. “Like they’ll let me leave the house,” she muttered. “Which reminds me, can you check on Mac for me?” she asked. “I don’t know when I’ll have a chance to talk to her next, and I don’t want her to have a lonely Christmas.”

“Does she like this holiday?”

“She’d love it if it hadn’t become some dry over the years.”

“I see.” She nodded. “Of course I’ll check up on her.”

“Thanks.”

“Also,” Veronica continued, wrapping an arm around her and holding her close. “If you ever wanna go on another walk in the middle of the night again, I’d be happy to join you.”

Heather let out a huff. “Thanks. Don’t expect it to become a common thing.”

“Why? Because walking in heels is slowly causing permanent damage to your feet?”

“_ Hush, _” she grunted, giving her a light shove. Veronica just laughed.

“Let me take that for you,” she offered, taking the empty mug and placing it just outside the pillow fort.

“Mmmm…” Heather hummed into her neck. With her hands now free, she pushed her whole weight into Veronica, causing them both to flop onto the mattress. Heather’s arm lay across her chest and her face was tucked comfortably in the crook of her neck, legs clinging onto her as if she were a plush toy to help her sleep at night. “I’m sorry for being a mess.”

“Tch,” Veronica rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen you cry before. Maybe never fall into a trance, but I’ve seen you cry.”

“Still, I-”

“Heather, it’s fine,” she reassured her in a soft tone.

“I just feel like we keep having the same conversation.”

Veronica frowned.

“Hey, so you have some things to work out,” she said, pulling Heather onto her stomach. Her ability to do so made Heather flutter her tired lids at her in surprise, a shred of life returning to her eyes for a brief moment. “But you’ve done far too much thinking for tonight, okay? Just let yourself relax for a bit.” When she saw a glint of uncertainty in her eyes, Veronica sighed and pulled her closer, cupping her face tenderly. “I’ll help you deal with… all that.”

“If you’re willing to deal with all of that baggage, you’re welcome to,” Heather muttered, resting her chin on her chest.

“Of course,” Veronica said, tracing circles over her back, letting any more stiff muscles release themselves. “I care about you, y’know. All three of us do.”

“Mhmm,” Heather mumbled, eyelids drooping. “Yeah. Me too.” She sighed against her chest. “And, um… thanks for… everything. For staying, and… for making sure I was okay and… stuff.”

She chuckled lightly at her clunky speech, realising she was likely drifting off into unconsciousness.

“It’s no problem.”

She lay back on the mattress, head on soft silky with Heather’s warmth encased around her as she snuggled even closer, her breath soon stroking her ear. She closed her eyes as she focused on Heather’s slowed breathing, her own hand becoming slower as it drew different shapes on her back as she felt herself grow more drowsy.

The room had fell close to quiet, the only sounds being both of their inhales and exhales, along with the occasional shuffle from Heather. Veronica didn’t mind that it would wake her up slightly whenever she would shift the placement of her limbs or rest at a different angle of her head. The fact that she was feeling herself begin to fall asleep so quickly was already a miracle.

Eventually her brain had begun to create images and sounds that it would eventually use to build a dream. Had she not been hyper-aware of her senses playing tricks on her, perhaps she would have fallen asleep quicker.

Maybe a few minutes had passed of that same cycle happening, when she suddenly heard a voice that sounded far too real to be a mind trick.

“_ I love you. _”

Veronica’s eyes shot open. She was dazed, continuing to stare at the blanket-ceiling for a good few moments. She replayed that sentiment in her head again, remembering it being clearly said in Heather’s distinct voice.

_ I love you. _

She’d said that? Had she said that? No, Heather was asleep. She was just making things up. She was tired, she-

She dared to look at Heather. Her eyes were open. Only a little, but Veronica could see blue very clearly. They were looking right at her.

She could have asked her to repeat herself, if she had heard her right, if she had just been imagining things. But she didn’t. Instead, she simply held her gaze for a while longer, feeling frozen in place, far too many emotions for her to process buzzing around her brain and causing many reactions within her body.

She didn’t ask because she already knew the answer, mainly from the anxious glint in her vulnerable blue eyes.

_ I love you. _

After a while of staring at her, drilling what she had just said into her skull, Heather buried her face further into the crook of Veronica’s neck, out of her view.

As soon as she did, her body suddenly relaxed, relieving itself from a big, very gay panic and suddenly becoming weightless. Realising she’d held her breath this whole time, she let out a much-needed exhale. Her head sank into her pillow as her eyes began to close again.

She fell asleep with what was probably the stupidest grin she’d ever pulled.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway, here's the start of the tbarc. sorry that was really sad, heather chandler deserves better.
> 
> https://heathersgameoftag.tumblr.com/


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